Grah. I'm in the middle of a vigorous mood swing at the present moment. The dread that is coming on after I've experienced my first week of classes and jobs is overwhelming.

Worries:

1. Organic Chemistry - I feel so horribly stupid in this class. My experience with chemistry is there, but it is less ingrained in my brain than in the other students of the class, I'm sure. It doesn't help that my teacher is inexperienced and an incompetent lecturer. To gain a better understanding, I'm going to start attending the lecture section of the other teacher as well as my own, just so I can drill this stuff into my head. But at the present moment my incompetence in this class is horribly embarassing.

2. Italian - This class is frustrating...Last year I feel I was regarded by my class as a suck-up with a stick up my ass since I was nearly the only one who answered questions the teacher asked. As a result, this year I'm trying to hold myself back a little. The teacher asks questions, which no one feels like answering and risking embarassment. This leads the teacher to assume we don't know how to conjugate the past tense, and begin treating us like children. It reminds me a little of a story from the Wayside School books... there was a teacher who could read minds, and so when she asked people for the answer, she purposely would search the children's minds, and then call on the one person who had gotten the question wrong. This way, even though each child only missed one or two problems apiece, she could say that none of them understood anything, and treat them like idiots. I feel like that is happening in this class, and it's horribly frustrating. Because the teacher does not force us to talk, and no one has the balls to talk, she feels we are stupid. Anyway, I'm switching my section to a more experienced and forceful teacher.

3. Molecular Biology - So stressful, so exciting...only 3 of us in the class....so much experience, so much pressure...god, I can't even go into it. The class is essentially just me working one-on-one with the professor, and doing my own independent research project where I will be responsible for finding the function of a specific gene, which no other scientist has ever experimented with before...I will then publish my results in an international database, and be the lone source on this particular gene. Excuse me as I hyperventilate.

4. Facilities Manager at the Motley - The responsibility of this job is absolutely horrifying. It's consuming my mind. Every day, people ask me for a million things, and my to-do list is at least 4 pages right now. Not to mention I have to go head-to-head with the administration weekly, and face their constant disrespect and disinterest. Grr.

5. Lab Assistant Job - Professor Armstrong has stocks of Drosophila melanogaster with mutations that do not exist anywhere in the world but her lab. It is my responsibility to ensure they do not die, or interbreed. If even one fly of a certain stock gets into the vial of a fly of a different stock, seven years of her life is gone. If I prepare their food incorrectly and they die, her career suffers. And I would have to kill myself from guilt.

In short, I foresee myself getting 5 hours of sleep a night this year, what with the classes listed and Core and Physics, along with 3 labs.....So what the hell am I doing updating on Livejournal?? Gah...so anyway, in case anyone wonders where it is I have gone, I am disappearing off the face of the earth for a semester. See you in mid-December.